Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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