i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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