only if we run a train.
done.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
