I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
