Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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