everyone is single if you try hard enough
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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