Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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