I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
