Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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