I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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