Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
