i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
