i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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