you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
