Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
PANTIES FOUND
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