Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
