Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
