I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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