My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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