I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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