I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what day is it and did you see me today?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
