I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
