I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
