he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
