also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
