could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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