nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
