you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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