Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
