you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
