Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
