You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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