6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
