Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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