just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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