I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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