May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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