she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
