told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
