I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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