I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
