I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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