i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
