I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
