...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
