I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
