So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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