Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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