Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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