Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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