How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
