Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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