Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
