Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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