So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Blow job season was short but glorious.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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