That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
