I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
FUCK WHALES
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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