Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
