True but thats because hes a fetus.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
