Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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