my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
