I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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