Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
