weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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