Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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