Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
