He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
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We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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