well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
