so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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