Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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